Funny Stuff that Has Happened at Home Lately…
Out of Context Theater
As I walk through the living room, I hear my husband, Skippy on the phone: “So that would be like brunch, but with porn.”
Wife: 1, Roach: 0, Skippy: 2
Ok. I have a MAJOR phobia about roaches. Don’t call them palmetto bugs. That sounds cute. They are DAMN ROACHES! They are hellspawn weevils!
Well, our cat found a dying one in the hallway, right outside the bathroom. I usually have my husband come get them. I called him. No answer. Figured he had his headphones on and was gaming.
So I go: “OK. I can do this.” (deep breath)
Grab HUGE wad of toilet paper, grab roach, make a loud, bizarre vocal noise, throw it into toilet.
My husband heard my vocalization, RAN from the MMO he was playing with a friend, because that was either my “I’m hurt” sound or my “I found a roach” sound.
I told him what I did. I was proud of how fast he moved to show how much he loved me. He was so valiant.
Then, “Skippy” kicked in.
And he says, “Now I’m thinking of that scene where the hobbits charge the gates of Mordor.”
Me: “shut up”
Skippy: “Now I’m thinking of the episode from Buffy where Andrew has to sacrifice a pig and screams “THAT’LL DO PIG!!” as a battle cry while running after it.”
Way to ruin my victory moment there, dear.
Way to Kill a Joke (She Gets it from Her Mother)
I’m sitting at my desk, door closed. And my daughter yells, “Mom, can I give you a hug and a wet willie?”
I open the door and say, “I’ll take the hug, but not the wet willie”.
I see my husband hovering nearby, outside my door.
I give him one of “the looks”.
Me: “Did you just teach her “wet willie”?”
Him: (laughing): “Noooooooo”
I make a face at him, laughing.
Him: (laughing) “Yeah, she was SUPPOSED to hug you and then do it. But ya know….”
This, from the man who introduced the kids to the Peanut Butter Jelly Time video/song.
He brought that on himself…